I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice....
More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in
the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died
in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent
of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough."
It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread
than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's,
Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given
only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the
user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb
water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken
over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can
choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an
adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant
scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the
following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign,
complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal
ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children)
may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Please send this
e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.
Remember: Think idiotically, act globally!