A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"
grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard
her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba,
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the
patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested.
There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was your breakfast this morning?"
very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there
was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn".