1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling
them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute
throughout the day
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
the entire auto department by sampling all
the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to
an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what
Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them
off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't
seen you in so long." etc. See if they
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store;
claim you are
taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
store as your
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the
camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and
the fishing rods and see what you can catch from
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with
the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are
any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a
full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the
hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic
indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things
like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the
42. Two words: Marco Polo
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the
loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go
to the food court, buy a drink, and explain
that you don't
get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
to do all of the above in the same visit,
without getting kicked out.
2. Try to hold up customers with the toy
guns. See how much
you can make.